David and Goliath (changing the lenses)

David had major disadvantages. He was young, small, and untrained and he was going up against Goliath. Goliath was a massive warrior who single-handedly inspired fear in an entire army. But David didn't see things that way. He saw only the advantages. His size made him scrappy in a fight. His lack of training led him to fight in unconventional ways. His faith in God had the uncanny strength of youth. David won the battle. Not because he ignored or trained away his disadvantages, but because he used those very things as advantages.

Last year my hubby and I read a book titled "David and Goliath", which has helped hone a positive perspective on my cancer battle (thank you Roger). The book looks at real life stories of people who succeed, not because they overcome disadvantages, but because they turn their disadvantages into advantages. A modern day example of this is the finding that a significant number of successful entrepreneurs share an unusual trait -- dyslexia. This "disability" often causes kids to rely more on their people skills, intuition and creative problem solving to succeed in school; where the "normal" kid tends to succeed by quietly following the standard course. Thus the dyslexic kid grows up honing the perfect skills for entrepreneurship.

This got me thinking about the "disadvantages" I might think I have in my cancer fight. By changing the lenses, can I view cancer differently? Can those disadvantages actually be seen as advantages? My opinion is YES! But the challenge is not just to try on a different pair of glasses for a moment, but to get so used to that new perspective that I really see the world differntly. Not just to do an intellectual exercise, but to really perceive that I am in fact advantaged.



Here are some of the things I truly believe (and a few places I still have hiccups).



Disadvantage: You're so young.

Advantage: I'm am young! I am healthy and strong. My young body still has good healing power. I have had a comparatively mild experience on both my chemos because my body rebounds well and because I strive to take good care of myself.


Disadvantage: You haven't yet lived a full life. That must crush your spirit.

Advantage: I have more of a fighting spirit because I'm not ready to be done with life yet! Who would you bet on to beat cancer? The 80-something year old whose life feels complete, or the 30-something year old who has so much to live for?


Disadvantage: Your children are so little.

Advantage: Anybody fighting cancer should be so lucky as to have little children around them consistently!

I honestly can't stress enough how very grateful I am that I am fighting cancer while my children are little. They provide me with so much joy. Sometimes I merely look at them and get a giddy feeling that they are part of my life. They make me laugh every single day, sometimes so much I get a belly-ache. They hug me and kiss me and cuddle with me and tell me they love me every single day. Their little voices pray for me everyday. Yes, we have disciplinary moments every day too, occasionally ugly ones. But what these kids offer me far far far outweighs the stress they put on me.

My biggest challenge in fighting cancer is not usually the physical pain, it is the emotional roller coaster - it's staying happy and hopeful. My children are so carefree and happy that it is contagious! Of all the medicine I take for cancer, they are the best.


Disadvantage: It must be harder for you because you have little kids to take care of when you don't feel well.

Advantage: Most moms could tell you that a second pregnancy is often easier than the first because you are distracted by taking care of the first child. It's true for chemo treatments as well. I can't wallow in bed all day; I have kids to take care of. A great tool for coping with feeling yucky is to forget I feel yucky by focusing on my 3 little responsibilities I love.


Disadvantage: It must be hard for you and your kids because you don't have the energy to do all the things a super mom would like to do for them.

Advantage: My children have blossomed in amazing ways because I haven't been able to be the helicopter mom my pre-cancer self tried to be. They have to fend for themselves during my rest times and have had lots of time with friends and in the care of other adults who love them. Because of this, they are remarkably independent, capable, confident, and friendly. (And they never complain about the extra time with the electronic babysitter (TV)).


Disadvantage: It is sadder for you because you may not live to know your children as adults.

Advantage: I truly do long for this. But I also recognize that every single one of us loses our children every single day. They keep growing up! The cuddly baby turns into an independent toddler, who melts into the exploring elementary-schooler, who gives way into the abstract thinking teenager, who morphs into a college student, a newlywed, a parent. Every night we say goodbye to the child we love and rediscover them the next day. (Ok, this is easier to see on a yearly basis, but it is happening moment to moment). At what point will I ever be satisfied with "finally" knowing them? Never. To love them is to be thrilled with the on going discovery, not any point of arrival.

Cancer has woken me up to a better practice of appreciating my children now - and it is practice. I have to remind myself to take time to connect with them and get to know them. And I have to remind myself to notice the moments I'm having - to notice the joy I'm feeling as I'm connecting with them and fan that joy; to notice the compassion I'm feeling when they are sick or sad and remember how glad I am to be the one to console and counsel with them; to even notice when I'm upset with them so I can discipline calmly instead of explosively. This is a subtle, but rewarding mind-shift; like adding icing to the cake. It makes the sweet moments sweeter and finds some sweetness in the challenging moments too.

Cancer has driven me to discover the now more than I ever have before. In this way, cancer is helping me receive more of my children's lives rather than lose it (so long as I don't give up my days to worrying).


Disadvantage: You have to wrestle with heavy thoughts. That must be overwhelming.

Advantage: If my blog is any indication... I kind of get a kick out of wrestling with heavy thoughts, always have. Through cancer, I have had a chance to pursue concepts that couldn't be understood any other way than by experience. It's easy to hate the struggle, but when I look inside, I have to admit that a part of me loves the learning. Not saying that I want the cancer to stick around, but I really can see something good mixed in with the difficult.