Breakfast-In-Bed on Mother's Day

I posted this on Facebook on Mother's Day, but I'll re-post it here.

My cute little family greeted me as I awoke this morning with hugs and cuddles. When I commented to Anthony that my eating habits prevent me from having the standard breakfast-in-bed of bacon, eggs and pancakes, my cute son immediately disappeared and returned with a breakfast in bed that I could eat - pistachios and a banana (and bread, which I had to pass on). Such a loving act from such a wonderful son!

By the way, noticing my awesome morning hair (it's usually far crazier), makes me remember to share this story. I keep touting that I have had no noticeable hair loss from chemo. A few weeks ago I told Anthony that the chemo had strangely turned my eyebrows blond. Then a few days ago I finally realized that they're not blond, they're non-existent! My eyebrows are so thin that they look blond and my eyelashes are so thin I haven't bothered wearing mascara for a couple of months. It just took me a while to realize that it was hair loss from the chemo. This makes me wonder how crazy my morning hair will be when my thick hair returns with all those short little new shoots coming in! I've read that regrowth can start 1-3 months after chemo ends. As for the short do, kid A wants me to grow it long again, but I like the convenience of short hair and Anthony likes the look, so I think it will stay.

Last news bit. I've been on hormone therapy for 2 weeks now. What is hormone therapy? It's called Tamoxifen and it's a small white pill I take once a day. My understanding is that it doesn't prevent my body from producing estrogen, but rather inhibits certain cells (like cancer) from absorbing estrogen, while allowing other cells (like the heart) to still get it. So far my biggest complaint is upset stomach and a surge of insomnia. I'm not sure if I've had mild hot-flashes yet, or if I'm just not loving the warm weather we're getting now. I'm also not sure if I'm feeling moodier, or if it's just due to some missed sleep. But I have definitely embraced this new therapy. As I continue to have some back/bone/muscle pains, it gives me comfort to know that I am doing something to combat the cancer and hopefully the pains are just soreness from my workouts.

Advice request: Anyone ever been treated for diastasis? What are the pros/cons/alternatives to surgery?

Healing Signs

I may be done with chemo, but I'm not done visiting the chemo clinic. For the next year or more I will continue to get a monthly dose of Zometa - a drug designed to stop bone loss. That's where I am this morning. Back at the clinic. On the drip.

It has now been about 8 months since my cancer diagnosis. Yesterday I was reviewing my back pain symptoms with my physical therapist and I realized that I have really come a long way! My PET scans may be inconclusive, but my symptom "scans" are looking very positive.

Previously (P) vs. Now (N):

• (P) My back pain kept me from being comfortable at the end of the day or when trying to sleep. I super heated a rice bag and wore that around the house during the day and couldn't sleep without it at night.
  (N) My back pain has been slowly improving. Now I can often get through the day without needing to apply heat and I have found myself forgetting my rice bag when I go to bed (though I often still use it because it helps my muscles relax and feels like good therapy).
• (P) My chiropractor performs a thermal analysis on each visit that electronically measures muscle strain on either side of the spine. If the analysis shows much deviation from a central alignment, he does an adjustment, otherwise he does not. I've been visiting him for about 2 years, needing an adjustment every 1-3 weeks.
  (N) I am going on 8 weeks of holding my alignment (with checks every 2 weeks) and previous to this went 4 weeks holding my alignment.
• (P) I have been told by multiple physical therapists and chiropractors that my left hip is higher than my right. I've attempted to correct this with shoe lifts to no avail.
  (N) After several weeks with my current physical therapist, my left hip is only marginally higher than my right and showing continual improvement.
• (P) For years and years when I have walked on my treadmill, I have always drifted to the right. In fact, it felt uncomfortable to walk with my feet spaced evenly from the center point.
  (N) I've recently noticed that I am walking evenly and without drifting.
• (P) 3 months ago I couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes without significant pain. I couldn't make it through dinner, or a movie or church without needing to lie down.
  (N) I can sit for a couple hours, though I still use a U-shaped cushion to help. Anthony and I have recently started going to movies again and just last week I made it through the entire church block without having to bail for a rest at home.

When I look at these results I just think, "How can I not be healing? Something is working right here!"

I'm still not where I was a year ago. My back pain has prevented me from running. Someday I'd like to run a 5K again. Someday I'd like to do a mini triathlon again like I did before I had kids. Someday I'd like to sit for an extended time again without any pain. We'll see. I'll do my best. And I'll hopefully remember how grateful I am to be here with my family and to have such a functional body as it is.

Scan Results

Cancer is not a game. But sometimes it feels like one.

As this recent scan approached I had several people express "excitement" to hear more victorious news. It seemed as though I was not a sickly cancer patient, but the star player in a rather intriguing soccer match. I like this mindset! I don't have to view each scan as a life-or-death pronouncement; just as the latest match between two rival teams.

In any given round Team Heidi might "win", showing decreased cancer activity, or Team Cancer might "win", showing increased activity. But win or lose, it's just one game out of hundreds to come over the years. Even with an elating win, I must continue to work hard and stay sharp. Or if faced with a frustrating (even scary) loss, I will dig deeper and rework the game plan.

After a 3 month duel, the scores for this latest round were tallied on Monday. And the winner was... ambiguous. Both teams have scored and the scores are controversial. We are tied.

To better explain this result I need to describe how PET scans work. The scan is based on tracing radioactive glucose which is injected into the patient an hour before performing the scan. During the hour between injection and scan the patient is required to sit quietly in a dimly lit room without doing anything - no reading, no iPhone, no music - just sit. Meanwhile, the radioactive glucose is being sucked up by the most hungry parts of the body. Fast growing or active cells need more energy and will greedily gobble up a larger portion. So the more glucose in a spot, the more active it is. Since cancer is fast growing, it will suck up a lot of glucose. But other parts of the body can suck up glucose too - like active muscles, a stimulated brain, or wound sites that are healing. That is why the patient is instructed not to do anything stimulating after the injection in order to avoid inaccurate numbers. In fact, the patient is told to not exercise the day before the test and they are asked to report any healing cuts or recent surgeries. Needless to say, PET scans are not perfect. They can give an amazing amount of information, but sometimes the meaning of that information can be... well, ambiguous.

In this round, Team Cancer appears to have scored a point because the scan showed activity in several new places in my bones. Team Heidi also appears to have scored a point because the scan showed that there is zero suspicious activity in any of the soft tissues of the body (no new organs affected), including the original tumor sites in the breast and armpit. According to my doctor, this scan indicates one of two things. Either Team Cancer has the advantage and is actually spreading, or Team Heidi has the advantage and the increased activity means the bones are actually healing. (Remember how the glucose can be sucked up by healing wounds?)

Based on the fact that the original tumor sites are now "dead" and that I have no pain in any of the new sites and that my overall bone pain is reducing, the doctor is inclined to believe that my body is healing and that we should move forward with our treatment plan. That means I am done with chemotherapy (YAY!) and I start hormone therapy today (it must be done, but I am dreading it). We will do another scan in 3 more months. In the meantime, I am going to assume that I am winning and continue to do the things that got me here: healthy eating, physical therapy, spiritual peace and positive attitude.

So if you've been a spectator on my little blog, eager to find out if and when Team Heidi would win... well, go grab yourself a bowl of un-buttered, un-salted, air-popped popcorn and a super-sized water and settle in; cause we're in overtime baby!