Parents, tell me this has happened to you too!...
Last week I prepared dinner for my 3 children. Balancing my desires to serve healthy foods with foods they will actually eat, I plated up the following: Costco canned chicken (usually a LIKE), baby carrots (usually OK), apple slices (always a LIKE), fresh pineapple (new, but a sure LIKE), a few spinach leaves (usually a DISLIKE that gets ignored). I called my children to the table and set their plates in front of them, a little excited for them to try out the new and delicious pineapple offering. Here's their reaction...
7-yr-old: Pointing to the pineapple, "What is THAT? I hate that!" Then melted out of his chair and onto the floor.
5-yr-old: Whining/shouting, "Why do you make us eat disgusting things?!" Then flipped the edge of her plate and scattered the contents all over the table and floor. She was sent to her room.
2-yr-old (Who had previously tried and liked pineapple): Upon seeing big brother and sister complain so loudly, shouted, "Me hate this!" grabbed her chicken (obviously not getting the complaint) and plopped it on the table.
Maybe it was overreaching to hope they'd like any brand new food, but I certainly wasn't expecting that! After calming down and cleaning up, I asked myself, what reaction did I want? Assuming that my children were emotionally mature people, but they didn't like pineapple, what would be the ideal response?
"Thank you for the food mom. Thank you for hearing my cry of hunger and for not neglecting my need, but for loving me and taking care of my needs. Thank you for trying to keep me healthy and trying to teach me about healthy eating choices even though I don't yet understand and all I ever want to eat is sugar. Someday I will understand and fully appreciate your efforts. Thank you for this wonderful assortment of food. I love apples! And carrots make me strong. And chicken is ok. But about this weird yellow stuff... I don't like it, but it was interesting to try. Thank you for giving me new things to try so that I can find out what I like and what I don't like. Is it ok if I don't eat the yucky stuff?"
As I thought through the "ideal" response I reflected on a Christmas gift I received the year before...
The Christmas following my mother's death and my diagnosis with cancer, my dad wrapped up several gifts for us from my mom's gift stash. Though most were not for anyone specifically, I valued them as little love notes from mom.
The most intriguing gift I received was a blank book titled, "The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude". I wondered to myself "If my mom could send only one word of advice to me from heaven, considering her experience with cancer, her new perspective in the spirit world, and her motherly love, what would that word be? Love? Peace? Truth? Or maybe Gratitude?"
As children usually do when being taught, I assumed that I already "got it". I already realized it was important to focus on the many many blessings I had instead of magnifying the one problem. I already realized that things could be far worse. But I decided to try the advice and made an "Attitude of Gratitude" an early watch-cry for my cancer battle.
As I wrote in the journal, or said my prayers, I found it easy to be grateful for the health I still had, for my supportive relationships, for financial stability and for my usual comforts and joys. But when it came to thanking God for the cancer, it usually came out like, "I have received so many amazing blessings because of cancer that if I overcome it, then I will be grateful."
It was as if God fed me dinner and I was whining to him that I would only eat it if he took off the pineapple. I readily admit that my spiritual maturity level is probably that of a 5 year old. After witnessing this dinner disaster with my kids, I wondered, "If I was spiritually mature, how would God want me to react to the FEAST of life experiences he's set before me?"
Something like this:
"Thank you for ALL of my experiences God. Thank you for hearing my cry of spiritual hunger and providing for my need to learn and grow by giving me this experience of cancer. Thank you for loving me enough to teach me even though I don't yet understand and all I usually want is ease and comfort. Someday I will understand and fully appreciate your efforts. Thank you for this wonderful assortment of experiences. Thank you for the good things cancer has given me - a stronger, more fulfilling marriage, better friendships, more compassion, more confidence, a 'seize the day' attitude, and free trips to Arizona.
"But there are a couple of yucky things I don't like about this experience. I especially don't like having the fear of death hanging constantly over my head, or taking these nasty drugs. However, God, thank you for letting me experience those yucky things. I now know that I don't like fear and that I am happier when I doggedly choose to embrace hope instead. I also see the irony in finding narcotics revolting, but willingly ingesting foods that may have led me to this condition and I feel more committed to healthy eating. God, I may not like these things, but I am still grateful that I got to taste or experience them."
Isn't that still gratitude - you don't have to like something but can still appreciate the experience? All of these experiences - comfortable or not - add richness and flavor to my development. I'm finding out what I like and don't like. When I put fear aside, I can even find fun in tasting it all. And for that I can be grateful!
Yet still, now that I've taken a taste, "God, is it ok if I don't eat the yucky stuff?"
