Beating Anxiety

My tumor markers are rising. That's the news I got on Thursday. I thought I was going to AZ for a routine anti-hormone booster shot, but got hit with that garbage instead. The tumor markers (if I understood right) are a couple of proteins in the blood that are related to breast tissue. Everyone has these proteins, but the amount of protein is higher in breast cancer patients. My blood work in December showed the tumor markers had dropped to the tippy-top rung of "normal", but now they are "up" (I didn't ask, or want to know, how "up").

Though I took the news rather stoically, the anxiety wheel in my head immediately started turning. I don't want to die! Things were finally looking good. How can this be? I've been working my hiny off to beat this stuff. I've tried every remedy that anyone has thrown at me - from ionized water to essential oils to counseling to energy healing to physical therapy to massage therapy ... and I've been eating like a champion for an entire year! Not to mention the chemo and the menopause! For what? And even if I don't die right now, am I ever going to get a break? Am I going to have to be sick indefinitely. Waaaaaaaaaaa!

Normally, this type of thinking would plague me until I was in a panic. And stress is not good for cancer. But this time around, I had a new tool in my cancer-fighting arsenal. About a month ago, I was introduced to this great self-help book. Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety & Depression by Joseph J. Luciani. The gist of the book is that many of us have these types of habitually negative thoughts, which we think are perfectly normal because we've always thought that way. But you have a choice to not dwell on negative thoughts. You can recognize them, stop them and let them go. One of the key principles taught in the book is that we can stop our negative thinking by separating fact from fiction. Other than a basic requirement to make plans for the future, don't dwell on what if's - so few of them ever come true. Focus only on what you actually know, get more information if you need to, and let the rest go.

I know, I know, it sounds so simple and obvious. But for a worrier like me, this concept has been mind blowing. Still, I have a lot of practicing to do. Here's how I redirected my thinking after the bad news. Ok, what do I actually know? My tumor markers are up. That's it. The doctor says that that doesn't mean the cancer is growing. Blood markers fluctuate (and I was only barely in normal range last time). All this means is that the doctor wants to do another round of blood work and then maybe another scan sooner rather than later. The tumor marker is one indication of concern, not the only indication - and I'm still feeling great! Until we actually do that scan and see cancer growing, I do not need to panic or even worry. I will keep doing all the crazy remedies I've been doing and I will keep having faith and hope.