Sunday, November 25, 2012
I'm Still Waiting...
I've received some great comments and a few lengthy emails from some of you about how you'd prioritize your last year of life, but I'd love to hear more! I have been pleasantly surprised to see where my thoughts match up and where they differ. I have learned a lot! So before I post my thoughts, I thought I'd request (beg?) one more time for your insights into life and death. Go ahead, I'm waiting.
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I’ve been thinking about you and Anthony ever since I read your blog. I can’t even imagine contemplating this in real life with everything else you’ve already been through. I keep thinking about your moms. They must both be right there with you.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought is that I’d worry about the house less and spend more time cherishing my kids, but I would have a really hard time just letting the house fall apart so I’d probably still have to do both, but maybe just spend less time on the housework, or have the kids do it with me, even if it takes 3X as long. My little girl (Charlotte, 6) loves to bake with me. Since reading your blog, I’ve started inviting her to help me make food much more. I actually let her measure and taught her how to read a recipe. She was so proud of what she had made.
I would continue to take tons of pictures. It’s hard to imagine actually taking more because I take so many, but I would have to make an effort to be in more pictures and be less self-conscious about how I look in them.
I would make more time to write. I can’t seem to find time to work on my kid’s scrapbooks, I just assume I’ll have more time for that stuff when they’re all in school. I would want to go through my pictures and write little notes about them. Why I took the picture, what I love about it. Maybe even set up a camera and show the pictures to the kids and talk about the pictures with them. I would write down all the things that I love the most about each of my children and add to that list as often as I could. I would want to write about some of the different stages of my life and how I felt during those times just in case I wasn’t there when they went through them. Along the same lines, I would want to write them letters to be given to them on special occasions like baptisms, weddings, the birth of their first child. Maybe I would videotape instead of write some of these things.
I would want to make my kids something they could keep forever from me. Maybe commission someone who knows how to sew to help me make blankets for them or make a stuffed toy they could hug. Maybe make a cookbook of my favorite recipes. There’s something special about eating/making things that remind you of someone you love--it helps you feel connected to that person.
I don’t think I’d try any adventures, I wouldn’t want to be away from my family for that long.
Some of my favorite times in life were O’Bryant family game time. I’d want to have a few more of those. I’d probably take a little time to write a note to as many people that I love and admire as possible.
I can’t think of how what I’d change if I had 15 years instead of 1. I think I’d still try to do as many of the things I wrote as possible.
Ok, I guess I'll throw in my 2 cents. . . . Assuming my health would allow it, I would definitely visit my children and grandchildren. Two of my 4 children and 3 of my 4 grandchildren live close by so, with them, I would cherish the time with them more. Maybe I would take the grandkids on more play dates with grandma? And I would definitely make more trips to Utah to see my son and his family. Seeing my whole family together is one of my greatest joys. I love seeing them interact with each other, so I think we'd probably take a family vacation to the beach (Hawaii would be nice! - but Hilton Head is more likely and we have lots of family memories there). My daughter in Russia? Now that's more of a conumdrum. Would she come home from her mission early? Would I hope that my health would hold out until she finished her mission? That beach trip would certainly have to be planned around when she would be with us. Regardless, you get the picture. Family, family, family. I would also want to see my siblings and other family and friends. There are places that I have wanted to travel (the Holy Land, Italy) but, when it comes right down to it, I think I would feel like it is taking away from the limited time I have left with my family. Although one trip to spend some one-on-one with my husband might be in the plan also. Generally though, I think I would try to keep life as "normal" as possible. I would say lots of prayers asking for spiritiual support and emotional stregth from my Heavenly Father to do it though (as I tend to be very emotional). It is amazing to me, Heidi, that YOU are being such a strength for those that know and love you. You are such a rock and I am learning a lot from you. That stregth will carry you through the difficult trials ahead. It is amazing how a positive outlook and determination can change the course of things. We all know that it is ultimately in the hands of our Heavenly Father, but your strength of character and faith certainly add into the mix. Thank-you for being such an inspiration to all of us. Love you!! Dee
ReplyDeleteHeids,
ReplyDeleteI can't remember if I have responded to this or not. It was a fun but busy week and I can't remember. I do remember discussing the topic with my husband. I don't know that I have anything new to add to what anyone else has said. I know that when I peel back the layers of fluff in my life, what is left there is those that I love. Someone we both know recently told me that she has come to know that she is here on earth for one reason. To learn to love people, that's it. So I guess if I had one year left, I would do the things that allow me to love. I would spend lots more time reading books to my child who has a speech delay. I would make sure my older son had the one on one time that he thrives with. I would be sure to snuggle my oldest and really listen to her and I would make sure "special playtime" happened with my younger daughter. I would call my grandmas weekly. I would take advantage of service opportunities that allow the love in my heart to grow. I wouldn't spend the entire time guests were at my house cleaning. I would make memories together. I would be more patient. I think I would get rid of some of the "stuff" in my life so that I didn't need to spend as much time in upkeep. I think I would spend some time pondering the purpose of my life and what God wanted for me.
So, I guess I should go and do all those things, right?
I know you don't know me very well but my name is Shanna and I work at FlexSim and am also Cliff's daughter. You have been in my thoughts and prayers the last few weeks. I must admit I mixed up your name and AJ's wife's name for a week and was praying for Sarah until I said it in a prayer with my parents and they let me know that Anthony was married to Heidi, not Sarah :)
ReplyDeleteI watched a movie a long time ago where the dad of a young family was told that his time was limited due to cancer so he decided to make movies of himself for his kids telling stories and giving advice on specific situations. That always stuck with me and I think that's what I would do. I would record myself talking to specific people in specific situations or write letters to my children in specific situations both the good ones and bad ones(i.e., baptism, jr. high self esteem problems,testimony problems, highschool prom, mission, heart break, marriage, first child)
I would pray that I wouldn't spend very long being bitter and that I could live my time to its fullest because I think I would have the tendency to go that way. I also think I would like to go on 3 vacations. 1.) With my family, my parents, and siblings. 2.) With my husband and kids. 3.) With just my husband.
You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Also, I live in Lehi and would love to help.
Shanna
i was thinking about your question and this popped in my head. i was thinking about all the times i want to hold my kids and how many times kids want hugs from their parents. i thought, what if i made a blanket for each kid and took a picture of the two of us wrapped inside. then whether i'm there or not the blanket could be my arms and my kids could get mama hugs as often as they needed.
ReplyDeleteI have still been thinking about you (and some other friends our age who also have cancer - yeesh!) all the time lately. In fact, you could say I've been a little preoccupied by death. On one hand, you could say it's a bit morbid for me to be thinking about it so much, but on the other hand, none of us knows how long we have to live. SO- Things I want to do: 1) Firm up my testimony so I feel super comfortable about where I'm going and meeting my family there. 2) Let the people around me know how much they matter to me by enjoying the moments; recording my love in pictures, words, and videos; and all this while 3) still giving myself permission to do (some) dumb stuff that I really like doing normally - like occasionally watching some dumb TV or whatever. Regarding recording my thoughts and feelings, I remember someone (maybe a magazine article) making letters/videos for their kids to open at certain times, like birthdays, going to college, marriage, missions, etc. It would be so nice to still be a big part of those days. I would probably want them to know that I was proud of them for making decisions like temple marriage or mission, but that I would also be proud of them no matter what. I wouldn't want lingering disapproval... If I had the time and inclination, maybe I would even write a list of childcare tips that had been meaningful to me, or special recipes, or info on "becoming a woman" or whatever things you would want to hear from your mom? Oh, and the other thing I would do is PLAN. Talk with the hubs constantly about money, kids, moving, houses, whatever might need to eventually change. Hand over all passwords, train him to pay the bills and do whatever you do. I'm a planner and would love to have everything figured out beforehand. With all that said, please do whatever you want and then don't need any of it because you're going to live till 101, ok?
ReplyDeleteOoo, I love Mary's! I'll ditto hers!
ReplyDeleteDearest Heidi, Since I have also battled bilateral breast cancer with lymph node involvement the last two years, having had "big guns" chemo and radiation both sides, I have contemplated death as well. I am so grateful for the Gospel, and of Jesus Christ. My most favorite scripture is Alma 7: 11-12. I need to tell you the story sometime of how that came to be with learning of your mom's cancer diagnosis. My scriptures are all marked up there!
ReplyDeleteAlma 7:11-12 is about our Savior: "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
And he will take upon him death, that he may bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
Our Savior has felt every pain, every sorrow, every worry that we have felt, so that he can "succor" and comfort us. The neatest thing is that we will LIVE! I hope that this brings you as much comfort as it has me!
Heidi! Lauren let me know about what's going on (since I'm 'lame' and don't have Facebook and I don't blog very regularly) and I have been praying for you and your family ever since. I read your blog posts earlier but didn't comment because I couldn't think of anything great. I still can't--a lot of my thoughts have already been said by others. But I do have to say that when I read Anthony's comment on the post before this one I literally broke down in tears. I'm still a cryer. :) I love that his love for you, and that your love for him and your children, is 100% evident in what you do. I hope to be more like you. I think I let so many other things that seem important at the time get in the way of showing my love effectively. Right now *if* I were told that my time was limited, that's what I would most want to do. You're already doing it, so no need to improve there, right? :)
ReplyDeleteI love your guts.