The day after I found out I had cancer in my bones, I was driving home alone from somewhere when that song came on. This time I listened. And it turns out, I was wrong. It's not artificially constructed. There's actually a lot of truth in those lyrics. It really does change your life to find out your life may soon be over. It's something I didn't relate to until I was faced with it myself. I drove around the block a few times until the song played out and then pulled into my driveway a sobbing mess.
So here's my question for you. Suppose you found out that you had limited time left in life. Suppose you were given the news today that you only had a year to live. Take a minute to make a list of what you would do with the last year of your life. What are you doing now that you would drop? What would you want to "get in order"? Would you vacation? Do something dangerous? Get something off your chest? Make changes in your relationships? Leave something behind? What and who would you prioritize?
Now just for fun, suppose you were told that you have 15 years left, but only 15 years. How does your list change? With 15 years to go what adjustments would you make to how you are living your life right now? What things are you already doing that you would hold onto more fervently?
Now either by comment or by email, please share your thoughts with me. I'll post my list on my next post.
This Thanksgiving when you make your gratitude list, don't forget to appreciate your precious gift of time.
--- I LOVE your blog, friend! I think of you many, many times throughout every day. you are consistently on my mind ever since I got the news. I can honestly say that it has changed my perspective and caused me to reflect on what is most important to me and what takes my most valuable time. And I want o thank you for that. I've thought often of the questions you asked in this post. Thank you for bringing greater perspective to the life we live while we're on this earth and how to live it with as much value as possible as we never know when everything can change in the blink of an eye. I love you and will continue mightily praying for you and your sweet family. Good luck with chemo tomorrow! I hope you get to enjoy thanksgiving with no repeat of last Thursdays! XOXO
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you shared your blog! I agree with everything Marisa said. In fact, I couldn't have said it any better. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers, and we will be praying for you extra hard tonight and tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the gift of time, it is something that I have thought about pretty consistently throughout my life. I've heard, "Most type one diabetics live about 30 years after their diagnosis..." many times. Well, I hit my thirty year mark last week. Am I living on borrowed time? No. There are plenty of people now days that live long, full lives. But am I hyper aware when something doesn't "click" right in my system? Uh-huh.
I wish I could say that I've always lived my life according to how I would if I was given just a year, but goodness knows I haven't. I would hope that I could show up to heaven with my ducks in a row (most of them, at least!) and tell the Lord that I truly showed charity to everyone I met. I would do all the things the song says...love on my hubby and kids, travel, jump out of a plane, and just. live.
Anyway, I'm still thinking and pondering on this one. And that's good. I think we all need to live "like we were dying" all the time. I love you my cousin and friend! <3 -Mel
Heidi,
ReplyDeleteI missed your FB post earlier, so this is the first I've heard about this, and my heart goes out to your family. But you have such spirit, that if anyone can beat this, it's you! Of all of the things that I need to work on, it's being more present with my family. Actually sitting with them and doing what they are doing, rather than playing a game on my phone, or checking my email. But one thing for sure I would make sure that I did more of, was to take more pictures of me with them. I don't have many pictures of me with my dad, and I really wish that I did. It's something that I'm trying to rectify with my kids. Thank you for journaling your journey through this. Your kids will cherish it, and it will be something for you to look back on after you beat this to show you just how much you are capable of. And for the rest of us who get to read this as a fringe benefit, it helps us to put our own lives into perspective.
Heidi, I don't know all the details of your diagnosis, but I will say this...as you probably know, the human body is an amazing thing. And doctors, while educated, can only give you their best guess...because each body is different. Factor in the fact that with the Lord, all things are possible, and voila! You could end up having more time left here on earth than any of us! With that said, I really actually DO like that Tim McGraw song, because no one ever really knows if they will have more time for the important stuff. Like saying and showing "I love you". Or expressing their heartfelt testimony. Or lifting the downtrodden. Or saying I'm sorry, or I forgive you. Right now while my kids are little I try every day to appreciate their sweet, innocent littleness...because Heaven knows that time flies all too quickly! And give them lots of hugs and kisses and encouragement and reading that story I have memorized just one more time...you know how it goes. Happy Thanksgiving! I'm wishing you all the best and my prayers are with you.
ReplyDeletei'm not the mom that loves playing with her kids. i feel like i always have a to do list in my head. when i'm done playing though i always feel more fulfilled. so i would add that to what i do. i would want to record stories. i'm sure lots of people want to vacation and do something dangerous but thats not in my personality at all. things that reminded me of home (so maybe the beach where we go every year.) now 15 years is a little different. still play and record stories. thats a lot of time to improve myself too. i suppose i'd set goals for being more (then pick things i'd love mentioned in my eulogy) serving, grateful, and faithful. thats off the top of my head. i do think of you often and include all y'all in my prayers. i pray for your comfort, your family, your strength, your optimism, your faith, and your life. i love you.
ReplyDeleteHeidi, I've thought about you several times a day too. How come so many of us have to see trial and sacrifice to be reminded about perspective? I instantly changed my perspective about my time with my kids. I laugh at everything they do, I feel for them in their hardships, emotion just seems way more abundant. I was thinking about what you said, only having one more year. And I do... in a non-comparable sense... My 8 year old is only 8 for two more months, she'll be leaving the house in only 10. The babies, who I keep hoping will "grow out of this stage," will grow out of this stage, and I love this stage. LOVE IT! The "NOW" is all we ever have really. And I'm thankful for that today.
ReplyDeleteThank you for starting this blog Heidi. You are such an inspiration to me and I think it is wonderful that you are documenting this journey. I truly have much to be grateful for in my life and a good friend like you is one of those things. I adoped a life motto a few months ago that I do my best to live by..."Cherish the moment." I think so often we get caught up in getting things done that we don't alway enjoy the journey and those little moments in life that make it all worthwhile. I need to slow down and cherish all that I have. Thank you for remininding me of that Heidi!
ReplyDeleteSo I'm going to take the HYPOTHETICAL role of the husband with the wife who only has one year to live (I know, it's a stretch :-)). One of the first impulses I had when we got the news was to capture as much of you as possible, in video, in audio, or written down. Being the son of a mother who died less than a year before they invented the camcorder, I so wish I could get a glimpse of my mother while she was alive. So, hypothetically speaking, if I were a husband whose wife had a limited time, I'd want to capture her with our kids, showing her love for them, telling them stories, doing fun activities, and talking about the things that were important to her. But, since my wife is going to live to at least 61, I'll just keep letting you be the one behind the camera ;-).
ReplyDeleteHeidi thank you so much for taking the time to write this blog. You are an inspiration to so many, including myself. And thank you for reminding me to be grateful for the gift of time, I don't think that is something I have remembered to cherish as much as I could. If I had just a year to live I would want to soak up every moment I could with my children and my husband, and not just the exciting we're out and about doing something moments. The simple everyday moments when you get to live with them, and take care of them, and just be with them. I would probably try to do better at cherishing that time with them instead of worrying about what I need to clean or get done. I would want to spend time with all my family really, I have been blessed with a large family so that would take up a good chunk of a year. :) I would probably write in my journal every single day, about my life, my journey, what I love about my family from that day...my children, my husband, my testimony...all the everyday things and all the things I hold near and dear to my heart. Thank you Heidi and keep up the good fight! :)
ReplyDeleteI fell asleep getting my chemo again today. While I slept I had a dream that my mom commented on my blog. It read, "Ha! Good story. I pray I could be there." Whether or not this dream was "real", I definitely woke up feeling my mother's love. I love my mom dreams.
ReplyDeleteHeidi! Do you remember that shortly after your mom passed, one of our other dear sister's sent me an email, and said "If Linda Duffin could she would text and tell us: The pleasures of earth cannot be compared to the joys of heaven!" I forwarded that email to your dad, and he responded, "That explains it. Several times last week, I'd get these faint little double-beeps coming in on Linda's phone, but when I picked it up...nothing. Now they've stopped--maybe she was trying to get that message through, and I need more bars!"
DeleteSO--I have NO doubt that was your mom talking to you in your dreams!!! It sounds just like her. NO DOUBT it was REAL!
Very interesting... This song was very popular when my dad was dying from cancer, and I absolutely hated the song! :) But I am oh so glad that it meaningful to you and your journey. I think all of you Duffins have always lived life to the fullest. You are an amazing family!
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