For anyone anxious to hear the results... here goes. You can probably tell by the delay in writing that it is not awesome. Things are still inconclusive. Everything is still very active. This could still either mean that my bones are in a healing mode, or that the cancer is spreading. Uncertain. The only certain thing (knock on wood) is that the cancer has not spread to any other organs (phew!). My doctor wants to be practical and treat this is as if the cancer is spreading. This is very frustrating. I am feeling so much better than I did 10 months ago. I feel like I'm healing! But the exams don't necessarily confirm that, my back pain is still ongoing and cancer is so elusive that you can't feel it spreading. I am continuing to hold to my faith that healing is coming for me, even if it means more chemo or radiation to get there.
I guess we're heading in to double overtime here. The teams are getting pretty exhausted. It is daunting, but I am still holding (with lots of ups and downs). I am learning a lot (lot lot lot) about coping with fear, anxiety, sorrow and dark times and feelings. I will definitely have to share those concepts in another blog post. But I still ask for prayers and thoughts sent my way - because knowing that I have a cheering section is one of my most valuable coping mechanisms.
My vote is all these amazing dietary changes are working wonders and your bones are so freaking happy they're busy healing. We're cheering and praying and loving.
ReplyDeleteThose crazy scans. Rocks and dirt. Rocks.... And dirt.... ;)
Inconclusive is much better than conclusively bad...sounds like there's still a great reason to hope for healing. I still remember that talk in conference by...who knows, I think it was one of the apostles and not a seventy, where he talked about how his mother who was battling cancer had to go in for chemo or radiation, I don't remember...yeah, I'm great at relating this story. Ha! Anyways, I still remember him saying that his mom still had like 20 treatments left and she broke down and told her own mom, I can't do it, I can't do it. And her mom said, just think about today. Just face today. That's the gist anyways. I think about that whenever we face trials, and sometimes, it's much more daunting to know the waters you are going to have to wade through, then to face an unexpected trial. Because you have all that time to think about it, anticipate it, fear it. But Heidi, look at you, you've come so far already! You've faced so much already! So you're probably saying, yeah, isn't that enough? But I'm saying, you can do it, because look what you've already done. You're awesome! You're amazing! Go team Heidi! You've got this! A day at a time...
ReplyDeleteI pray for you almost everyday. Thanks for keeping us updated. I can't even imagine what you are all going through. Even though we haven't talked in years and I live in Canada I would do anything to help you! Let me know what I can do. Send you pizza via the internet (meaning ordering online and delivering it to your house)? Not healthy, I know, but I'd love to help. Keep up the strength!
ReplyDeleteWe're cheering for you! I hope to here that all that activity is the good kind and your body is fighting as hard as you are. Love to you and your sweet family. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI love you so much Heidi!
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