New Life Philosophy

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson

I stumbled across this quote last week, repeated by a 5-time cancer survivor. Recently I have been getting pretty high strung about all the things on my body that are breaking. It can become a bad habit to think that every itch and sneeze is a sign that the cancer is spreading.

A few of my recent panic attacks:
- one night my arm went numb, especially in my last two fingers. Does this mean I have a blood clot? Or a tumor in my neck? Turns out it is a common nerve pinch corrected with b6 and not leaning on your elbows.
- recently I've had strange episodes of feeling light headed. Is it a brain tumor? No. It's just dry eyes exacerbated by dry contact lenses, corrected with eye drops.

I keep feeling like I am a lit candle that is desperately trying to catch my melting wax and reform it to my perfect original shape. Stressing about each little body failure is incredibly draining. Especially when many of them can be dealt with and have nothing to do with cancer.

Well I refuse to let my life be dictated by fear. I'd rather celebrate my melting body as a sign that I am ALIVE! God gave me this body to enjoy. Not to abuse, but not expecting me to preserve it either. He intends to give me a new (or a perfectly refurbished) body in the life to come. It's OK that this one doesn't last forever - it wasn't meant to.

So I'm going to try an experiment to improve my thought pattern. Every time I have a scary cancer thought, I'm going to add to it 2 (or more) thoughts about the wonderful things my body can still do and enjoy. When I feel a random pain that causes worry, I'm also going to appreciate that I still have that body part and that I can still feel it and take a moment to notice all the things that body part does for me.

Who wants to get to the grave in an unused body? Not me! Body malfunctions are frustrating, but also a great opportunity to appreciate all the living I have done and that I am still ALIVE.