My Mom - My Hero

Picture taken Feb 2012

My Mom.

14 Year Cancer Fighter.

Mother of 3. Grandmother of 6. Devoted wife.

Reader, sewer, traveler, family historian, doting grandmother.

Loved Disney, bargains, 3am mahjong and cheetos.

Exemplified selfless service in church callings, community work and beloved friendships.

Passed away on September 1, 2012 from metastasized breast cancer to the liver.

My Hero.

My mom taught me many things and though she is no longer here, I am still learning from my memories of her example. She showed me how to reach out and love other people - how to make them feel welcome and wanted with exuberant enthusiasm. I loved that about her and I loved feeling that from her. She showed me how to face cancer by embracing time as an opportunity to make memories and not wasting it in self pity or doubts. She showed me how to face the inevitability of death by putting her life in the Lord's hands and trusting His timing. She showed me how to face the final experience of death, with a little humor and a lot of love - surrounded by family in a loving, sacred atmosphere that was uplifting even as it was sorrowful.

My Mother's Masterpiece

My mother's greatest masterpiece was this amazing family she and my dad created. We had relatively little contention in our home growing up. As adults we sincerely love and support each other and enjoy being together. We are kind in the things we say to each other and about each other because we honestly view each other with high regard. I am so grateful that I am a part of this family, a family I want to be with forever.

Picture taken Nov 2011

Another of my mom's masterpieces was a talk she gave in May 2010 at the BYU Women's Conference. In this talk she shared precious life lessons learned through her many years of fighting cancer. At her funeral, our family gave out a few hundred copies of her talk and have heard it referenced many times and in many settings this past year. People have resonated with her personal and poignant feelings of struggling with a terminal illness and of finding JOY in life. 

I didn't appreciate or understand much of what she said at the time, but this talk has become an anchor to me  in my cancer struggle. This is the kind of thing I hope to leave behind for my children someday. Though she is not here to give me her hugs and her company, these thoughtful and personal words have helped me through this trial and reaffirmed my faith. Here are few quotes that have been especially meaningful to me this year:

"Each of us must rely on the Spirit to tell us and guide us, to do what is fitting and right for us. Not just settle for what is good, according to other people's expectations, but do what is best for us according to our best discernment of the Spirit."

"To gain strength we need to come to know and develop a personal relationship with our Savior. We all have been told this a million times - when will it sink in? When will we make it a priority in our lives? I hope and pray it will be today."

"Cancer treatments were started and [I] felt terribly, horribly awful - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. [I] was an advocate of natural medicine, so to rely on Western Medicine was like a betrayal. Using poisons, as [I] thought of them, for healing was a contradiction. But humility, contemplation and prayer helped [me] decide that [I] would use the best from both systems and rely on the Lord...

"Over the years it has gone from the breast to the liver to the lymph system. All have been hard and scary, but I am here to witness that all things are in the Lord's hands and Life does go on, till He calls us home. The Lord loves us - and his love is Radiant and when we take it in, it fills our souls with acceptance and peace. I have also learned so much and have been blessed in many ways."

"Life is not easy. This journey of life is full of peaks and valleys and lot of slams-in-the-face: all of us have our own to deal with and endure. But Life is a huge blessing, one we probably will never fully comprehend. But while it entails struggles, suffering and pain for us and our loved ones, its blessings are worth treasuring for as long as life is given to us. I determined that I would not let negativity, doubt or self-pity rob me of enjoying and making wonderful memories of whatever time was left to me."

"I know from experience that it helps immensely to have a good family, good friends and a ward to love us and keep us going on the straight path in times of struggle."

"Good books helped me to escape and regroup and take my mind to other places for a while."

"I also found that laughter was wonderful and uplifting. There is nothing like having tears run down your cheeks with belly deep laughter."

"My favorite scripture is Mosiah 4:9, 'Believe in God; believe that he is and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can.' I truly believe this with all my heart and I believe from experience that all things are in God's hands and we all will come to a point where we must put our trust and love in Him if we are to successfully finish our journey here on earth."

You can read my mom's full talk at: Linda's Women's Conference Talk